N-specting the Rainbow Factory
by PK Smugleaf
Summary: Half Darkfic, and half LOLfic. When N, Nate, Cheren, Fluttershy, and an OC Changeling are sent to inspect the Rainbow Factory in Cloudsdale, such a fanfic WILL be bound to happen. Rated T; despite having no swears, there may still be the "dark side" preventing a K rating. Please R&R and enjoy.
1. Of Pegasi and Prologues

Rainbow Dash had prepared herself for that date. And no, not the romantic date with whatever your favorite male singer is that she had zero hopes of ever getting. In actuality, the date was really August 8, when her rainbow factory, Arcobaleno Ltd., which she'd managed for eight and three-fourths of a year, would receive its next semi-annual standards inspection. On that date, five ponies would visit Arcobaleno Ltd. to ensure that it followed Equestrian and local rules and other guidelines. However, said ponies were generally not very bright due to them missing an abhorrent secret which had been guarded for much longer than Rainbow Dash had been manager: the process of making the Spectra which composed 80% of each rainbow made, as well as the contents of the remaining 20%. It **used to be** unicorn magic making up the larger part of the rainbows and water being used in the smaller part to prevent the rainbows from lingering for too long, but somewhere when Rainbow Dash got her job, unbeknownst to the vast majority of Equestria, an alternative was found, and **boy, **was it gruesome. It begins with a flight test where young Pegasi are tested to see if they fly well, or if they suck. The sucky fliers ended up going to Arcobaleno Ltd., where (okay, here it comes; it isn't my fault if your underwear is ruined forever) they were to be slaughtered, for their blood cells to be used to make Spectra, and the blood's plasma became the replacement for water. Yikes! How could the inspectors miss it? Maybe stupidity, but whatever it was, it was up to Rainbow Dash to exploit it yet again. So Rainbow Dash called her most competent worker: "Oh, Woodrow, I need you right now! I don't care if you were finally about to 5-star Never Gonna Give You Up; Just Dance 4 can be paused!" A half-minute later, a Pegasus with a neon green and yellow hair and a pale green fur coat showed up in front of her desk.

"Listen," he complained. "I am tired of being called by my real name. Please call me Woody, some adjective related to toasters, or even Wooden Toaster."

"Sorry, Toasty, but we have something else to actually worry about. It's August 8, meaning whatever suckers the Business Standards Team of Equestria [AKA: the BSTOE] who need to see our factory are coming! And since they'll likely to be idiotic foals as they were the last time around, I need you to take care of the dark stuff… If you know what I mean," replied Rainbow Dash.

Woodrow then answered with, "Uh… What now?"

Annoyed, Rainbow Dash simply said, "I need you to 'idehay the odiesbay in the asementbay.'"

In an even more ditzy tone, Woodrow asked, "Can you please translate that out of Swahili? I barely understand English, and that's my first language."

Rainbow Dash was extremely enraged by Woodrow, leading her to yell out, "_**Good mother of Luna's face! I need you to hide the killing machines and hide all the corpses in B4F so the BSTOE fails to give a flying feather!**_" Woodrow instantly replied, "Yes, ma'am!" and cantered off to do just that. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash nervously waited for her "suckers" to arrive. Eventually, she heard the sound of Pegasi landing a carriage. _OK, better look out the window_, she thought. When she did she was in for a surprise: One of her best friends, Fluttershy, was pulling the carriage, and by one, I mean 2; there was a clone of her helping the real one! To make things even wackier, three humans walked out of the carriage! One she noticed, was dressed as a Colt Scout, except obviously more human. The other two stood out for their hairstyles: one had green hair, and the other's hair looked like it was part of his hat. _Maybe, they may be tougher to deal with than I had originally thought_, thought Rainbow Dash.

The Fluttershy clone revealed himself to be a "special" changeling who had bright red fur with a leaf-green mane. He remarked, "That has been my hardest workout ever! Why, Cheren, did you need to eat 99 red velvet cupcakes when you knew jitteriness would make carrying you harder?" Cheren then replied, "I'mveryveryverysorryaboutthatStevenbutIwaspractic allydrunkonthemsoifyouneed me, I will be on the ground." He went from hyperactive to near-stoned instantly. Fluttershy crankily, from the stress of Cheren's bad idea, opted to let him ride on her, sighing, "Nate, you had better watch out for him or else." The "hat-haired" boy said, "Fine. But how come you always ask me and Steven to do things for you, and almost never N?" N then blushed and replied quickly, "Oh, look at that, we're here; I'd better knock on the back entrance!"

Not long after N hit the doorbell, Rainbow Dash soon answered. "Hello. You must be the BSTOE… However, I would have never called it. For the 4 strangers, my name is Rainbow Dash. Could you introduce yourselves?" Fluttershy spoke up. "Well, the stoner riding on my back is Cheren, the boy with puffed up hair is Nate, and the admittedly handsome guy with green hair has a name that's so ridiculously long, we all call him N. They came here from the faraway region of Unova." Then Steven said, "And my name is Steven, or as **only my friends me call me**, Changeling Conroy. We are here to make sure this rainbow factory is up-to-date in its practices! Are you ready?" Rainbow Dash replied, "I guess. Let me show you around. Maybe, I will even educate you on how Equestria makes its rainbows…"


	2. It Tastes Like a Chicken playing MOTHER2

Naturally, upon entering, the BSTOE members were extremely dismayed (and nonplussed in Fluttershy's case) upon entry. "So, guys what does Arcobaleno Ltd. look like to you?" asked Rainbow Dash. Nate answered, "Like it _definitely _deserves its beautiful Italian name." Rainbow Dash got his sarcasm. "That's very funny, Sir. I don't really care if you're Unova's Champion of Porkymans or whatever it's called; you really shouldn't do that to anyone you just met." Steven sighed, "As much as it sucks to admit it, she's right. That's a good way for stuff to blow up in your face." He then looked at Rainbow Dash. "Still, if I had a penny for each can of air freshener that you could consider using, I could buy a Wii U deluxe set. And Pikmin 3 to go with it." Rainbow Dash then replied, "Give me one good reason that you possibly—" At that point, a Pegasus with generic green on her body tripped down the staircase and interrupted her.

"I asked you to not interrupt me! What do you need?" Rainbow Dash yelled at her.

In a small, yet noticeably Spanish voice, the young worker spoke. "I have to give you this, boss. Actually, due to my doctor's advice, you won't be my boss anymore… First came the uncontrollable crying, then my senses of smell and taste went, and now… I'm going blind." Rainbow Dash looked at the paper for a moment, only to crumple it and yell something too loud to understand. Of all people, Cheren spoke out (albeit still stoned), first tapping on Rainbow Dash's withers. "I ain't the element of compassion or whatever it's called, but you should _really _consider letting her go. Poor thing's going blind." Rainbow Dash then sighed and tried hard to enunciate, "OK, you're dis… mi…" N asked, "Say 'missed' and you'll be done!" Rainbow Dash then said, "You're fired." Her now ex-worker then cheered, "Don't care; I'm finally free!" and flew out the door as fast as a go-kart. N chuckled a bit, and then got focused again, asking, "So, you were going to show us where Equestrian rainbows come from?" Rainbow Dash replied, "I'll get to that, now hop in the elevator. To the 13th floor we go!"

Inside the elevator, N asked a few things to Fluttershy. "When you described her, I got something of a different vibe than this. Wasn't she supposed to act like a brat only 40% of the time, not 90%?" Fluttershy responded, "I don't know what on earth got into her; she used to be _juuuuust_ a little more caring. Something tells me you need to keep a good eye on her!" At that moment, the elevator stopped and Rainbow Dash then declared, "Welcome to the tour! I shall educate you on how we make rainbows, and at each stop, you can do your quality checks!"

She then showed a wall with tubes sticking out of it. They carried a rainbow-color liquid far away from the spot. Steven asked, "So, what's this?" Rainbow Dash replied, "Simple; those are the tubes that carry Spectra to the sorting vats." Steven then examined the pipes by tapping them. Two became misaligned, and one actually broke, leading to a puddle of Spectra forming, much to Rainbow Dash's dismay. She sighed, "I need to replace those, do I?" "You don't say," replied Nate. Of course, upon seeing the puddle of something, Cheren immediately dismounted Fluttershy and rolled around in it, even licking it. "It tastes like a chicken playing Earthbound!" The other BSTOE members, disturbed, took a quick jump back. Rainbow Dash simply pulled out a telephone (with an Earthbound-themed cover case) and dialed somepony. "Hello, Fausticorn's Everything Service? I need to buy 18 bolts of the 6-cm diameter and a power wrench. Also, I'd like to order a 40 cm pizza." After a pause she answered, "Meat Lover's, please, sans bacon. 50 minutes? OK, thanks very much! Bye!" Then she turned to Cheren after putting away the phone. "Cheren, stop it. Spectra are used for rainbows, not consumption! I swear, if this behavior was on YouTube—" Cheren, slowing down rolling, answered, "Let me have a pizza slice afterwards!" Fluttershy then stared at Cheren, firmly telling him, "You don't do that to women of any species. Now get up!" Cheren sighed, "Fine, Flutters…" He got up, still covered in Spectra. "But I'm staying covered in this stuff; it makes me look straight from a supernatural romance novel!" N whispered to Fluttershy, "Just let him. He's high." Nate then asked Rainbow Dash, "OK, all we know about Equestrian rainbows so far is that if **somepony **didn't mess around with the pipes, the first place Spectra goes after it's made would go is to somewhere to get sorted by some means, I assume. May I please jot my notes on this part so we can **move our butts and plots?!**" Steven sighed, "Here we go…" and turned into a pen. Nate then picked him up, pulled out a notepad, and began writing:

_Observation #1_

_We found problems even before we entered the factory itself. A worker seemed to gain medical problems while working and it seems she was never taken care of. Thankfully, we convinced the manager (who is adorable to an extent) to let her go. The usage of a hashtag or the "Over 9000" meme would have been redundant in describing her excitement to finally leave (though the former sucks, then again). Unfortunately, we never asked if she was insured, though it is implied not. Also, if problems are obvious on the outside, the likely exist on the inside, and this place was no exception. Steven (who is currently my writing tool) tapped on 3 pipes ever-so-lightly, only to misalign the first to and completely cut the third. Supplies to fix it are on the way (as is a pizza. Wish I could have a slice… DX)._

_-Nate_

Nate then rolled the note up so that it would automatically get to Celestia, put away the pad itself, and Steve turned back into his normal form. "OK, please, please, _**please**_, bring an actual pen or pencil. Every letter 'f' you wrote tickled!" Nate the answered, fine, but we are now going on!


	3. Vat is this nonsense?

After sending that observation to Celestia, the BSTOE members then saw the next thing on the tour. Rainbow Dash then asked, "Are any of you superstitious?" Upon seeing Steven raise his hoof, Rainbow Dash stated, "We're going to floor 4. Get in the elevator!"

In the elevator, Cheren asked, "So now where to? I'm so good-feely right now... Your face amplifies it." Rainbow Dash sighed, "Listen, sir, you are a cutie, but if you think I'm into you, then you're going to have a bad time. But I will show you the sorting vats next, because the door's opening." Cheren simply reacted, "Whatevs. You're still in my sight." Nate shouted, "Move it along before he goes completely gaga!"

Rainbow Dash then showed her guests to step #2 in making rainbows. "Now, that Spectra you saw wasn't pure; the colors were all mixed." N asked, "Are these the sorting vats?" Rainbow Dash answered, "No blank, Sherlock. These sorting vats have highly advanced computers in them that takes green to one area, indigo to another. You get the idea, right?" Steven answered, "Yes, but the vats seem a little..." He turned the upper three-fourths of his body translucent. "Empty?" Rainbow Dash sighed, "That's because somepony decided, 'Durr hurr, I wonder what happens if I touch this?'" Fluttershy commented, "That voice is so like Steven." Steven gave her a glance, but she said, "OK, how many ponies watched Big Bang Theory and thought, 'OMG, I, like, totally think Sheldon is Steven!'? Everypony you've met, Steven." While Fluttershy and Steven accelerated into a flame war, Nate asked Rainbow Dash, "May I have a closer look?" She replied, "Uhh..." Nate looked closer, saying, "I don't hear a 'no'! I'm getting clos-What is that thing?!"

Nate discovered a black, equine mass in the vat of red Spectra, suspended in one spot. Upon closer examination, he found a unicorn's body floating there. Nate tapped Cheren's shoulder. "Take a look," Nate said quietly but high pitched. "Upon seeing the unicorn in there, Cheren (yes, still stoned; thanks a lot Pinkie Pie!) yelled, "Hey, you foal, you've gots to breathe!" Rainbow Dash asked, "What in the name of Luna on a bike are you-" Upon seeing the body in the vat, she frantically pulled her phone out to call Woodrow.

"I need help! Disable all the sorting vats in floor 4!" She yelled. "OK, the magic word is 'please.' Please do what I asked. Thank you."

A 90 dB alarm rang as workers calmly climbed down staircases. (Steven and Fluttershy were also pulled out of their massive argument.) Steven asked, "What did I miss?" N, upon seeing what Nate found, answered, "Something I wish Flutters didn't need to see." Fluttershy then soon asked, "What is it?" N stammered, "There's... nothing to... Uh..." Inevitably, she saw the corpse and flipped out. Rainbow Dash sighed, "I'll have fix that." N used the time to pull out a pad to jot notes. And yes, he used Steve.

Observation #2

Who would have called that disturbingness would kick in this soon? How long has this been going on? We were in quite a shock when we found the dead unicorn floating in the vat of red Spectra. How the (use my adoptive father's name as curse word here) did it even get in there? There were no openings to somehow enter the vat, but i assume that since unicorn magic allows for teleportation, something (or worse, someone/somepony!) may have made the victim used his (the muzzle is on the sharper side) accidentally. What a shame he couldn't get out in time; it may seem cliché, but it's really painful to think about the family of a worker dies on the job. 'Where on earth will we get our support now?' they ask. Manager Rainbow Dash has to have records of how many accidents have occurred. If there are none, or if we see them and the number of incidents is great, I'm going to explode. It will not be pretty. However, this is only the start. Hopefully, things improve...

N


	4. Not Into The Pit!

After getting Fluttershy to stop flipping out (do not ask N about the details), Cheren asked to Dash, "Where to, next, gorgeous?" She answered in a ticked off manner, "Outside! There are many pools of Spectra throughout Cloudsdale, but I'd like to show you some of my favorites. If you go, please behave, Cheren. You sound like you work for PETA."

After this little thing, Dash took her guests back to the ground floor. "Alright, guys, I can fly you over to this special Spectra pool that is where the Spectra is analyzed for pollutants. Any questions before we go?" N asked, "Should we keep Cheren McFlirtsalot in the back?" Fluttershy then answered for her friend, "No blank, Sherlock! But how would you like that seat, next to me?" "Heck yeah!" N responded. With that, the BSTOE members got into the carriage and waited... (Steven's choice of music made the wait feel forever. Seriously, Friday non-stop?)

Upon RD arriving at a pool at (the 100% fictitious) 1337 Earthbound Lane, she announced, "OK, get out!" Nate ran out instantly, yelling, "At long last! The Friday is done with!" Cheren walked out, and in a less stoner-y way, asked, "So when do we get started? This is exciting!" Then Steven, N and Fluttershy left. "Now what?" asked N. "In this next section, we check the Spectra to make sure there are no pollutants, like... Uh... Darn it, I've run out of Obama jokes. But you get the picture, yes no?"

N agreed, and stated, "The next thing we'd like to check is that jobs are being done the right way. What are they supposed to do?" Fluttershy, remembering a field trip from when she was a filly, answered, "I got to see them! They just removed junk with special tools so they don't get Spectra burns. That stuff is hot due to the pipes taking them to these being really hot!"

Well, immediately afterwards was a hissing sound followed by feminine shriek. Dash sighed, "Great, the 4th time! Given the author's Asian ethnicity, this is gonna be ugly... I dare you humans to not vomit."

Upon walking over, they found a muscular stallion whose royal blue fur was discolored on his front left hoof. "Ouch..." he half-sighed, half-shrieked. Cheren started saying,"Oh, this burn is first degree, I just need to find a sink and get him there." Dash nervously asked, "Why can't you use my ice cooler?" Nate answered, "That could worsen the burn. Once Cheren's done with cooling that, he'll only need to use an over-the-counter ointment. He's insured, right?" Dash couldn't, to her dismay (and Cheren's) grasp the true form of anything he said. "Do I need to define it for you, Little Miss Rule-63 Eugene Krabs?" Nate asked, annoyedly. Dash sighed, "Uh-oh, I've seen enough Spongebob to know where this is going..."

"News flash, Equestrian law requires he automatically gets some insurance!" Steven yelled. "If this were a real emergency, he'd be automatically insured for 2000 bits, but either way, you're required to pay for burn cream until the burn is gone." Dash then answered, "Fine, I'll buy some butter—" Fluttershy cut her off. "No! Butter can infect it. I know from firsthoof experience that you have to get an ointment!" Dash half-sighed, half-yelled, "Fine! Do your journal entry or whatever!" Fluttershy began writing.

_Observation #3_

_I can't believe Dashie. Why isn't she cooperating with me? We're close friends, and she isn't making it obvious as she should be! I'm nice, but RD is not the "nice jerk" that she is to her other friends when managing companies; she denied insurance to her workers that is legally required! Then, she even was hesitant to give first aid! I want the nice Rainbow Dash back, where is her sense of compassion? :(_

_Fluttershy_

After sending the letter off, Fluttershy asked, "Cheren, have you finished giving first aid?" Cheren nodded and said, "I choose the music on the way back. We're beginning with Starships because somepony needs to turn that mental frown upside down!"


	5. Y must we X out everything?

Upon finishing the ride back, Dash quickly left the carriage and asked, "Can we cut out the averagey music and hurry this thing up?" Of course, her guests got out, and Cheren finally got to be first out. "Things are fogging up," he sighed. "Now what?" N answered, "We've been checking this factory for any major boo-boos! Including you! We're going to be told what's next!" Dash answered, "That would be sending out good, aged Spectra as rainbows. Care to see?" Of course he said yes.

Dash took her guests to a ledge with many athletic Pegasi. What's the deal with this place?" asked Cheren. Dash responded, "Please be a little more business-casual. We have this ledge, where we send weather ponies out to carry Spectra as Rainbows. I'd tell you the process of how Spectra is recombined, but the author loves procrastinating on things other than schoolwork! But now, sit back and watch a magnificent show of the deploying of the rainbow! And with 20% more Kalos flair." She turned to her weather ponies and shouted, "1e-and a 2e-and a 3e-and a" as if she was running a high school marching band. Apparently, that is how she ran this part of rainbow making.

The "show" was one of the pleasant parts of this trip. It made even the most professional high school marching band (read as "your high school marching band") look like all its members had two left feet and hands. Fluttershy's favorite moment was the formation of "XY" in triple rainbows. That is, until Steven pointed out a subtle detail at the end: "Excuse me, but I looked at the Y you formed closely and part of the bottom was only a double rainbow." Not surprisingly, Dash began to panic.

She rushed down to the ground, leaving her inspectors worried, and in Cheren's case, in suspense... When would he get his next bathroom break? But he did not have much time to ponder; he saw a grotesque thing being pulled in. "Mother of Celestia!" exclaimed Steven and Fluttershy. "Are you here to get me to where I belong?" asked the badly beaten mare. Nate answered, "We will. But hopefully, said location isn't that sky... in the sky. OK, point is, we will call operator now. Someone take notes." Cheren immediately answered, "Not me, the nearest restroom is calling my name!" Steven turned his hoof into a pen and sighed, "My turn..."

_Observation #4_

_Things are getting bleaker and bleaker. We at long last got to see a rainbow be deployed, and with style. I've been meaning to visit Kalos, so Rainbow Dash's promise of "20% more Kalos flair" left me hooked. So I saw every single detail, and noticed there was a rainbow missing from the "XY" finale, and when I pointed this out, I got quite a surprise, and I don't want to talk about it. And Cheren wants to use the restroom... I hope he didn't get diarrhea from the shock..._

_Steven_

"Anyways, that's it. Cheren, the restroom is on floor B5F," said Rainbow Dash. Cheren ran for the elevator. "Hold on," N said. "Where does the Spectra itself come from?"


End file.
